Added: Shoshannah Levin - Date: 18.11.2021 19:12 - Views: 26949 - Clicks: 4348
No, really, this is a serious question. Speaking of anger this will all tie together, so stay with me here , I saw a quote on social media the other day that got me really upset:. We rely on each other for many aspects of socialization and support that, prior to the 20th century, many people found outside of their marriages. Happiness is not a strong, stable foundation upon which to build lasting, committed love. It is simply too unstable, fleeting, and constantly in flux, and the ways in which we achieve happiness changes as we change over time.
The point of marriage is not happiness. The point of marriage is growth. The key to becoming a truly successful couple is to take action and expand your comfort zone. Marriage is what Dr. That is something I can achieve, and it feels satisfying to grow and improve. It is a tangible goal. I lift weights. I used to be a slender little guy. I once dropped a girl when I was country dancing and was so embarrassed by my weak muscles that I never went back.
Then I hit the gym. A few years later, after grinding away at the gym every week, I now squat around pounds. Big improvement, right? And every time I add another pound, I feel like a champion because growth is satisfying and progress feels amazing. Now I apply the principles I used in the weight room to my marriage.
For example, I used to get anxious when my wife was feeling sad or stressed. And I used to snap at her if I felt attacked or threatened. I practice self-soothing , taking deep breaths, and thinking before I speak, and giving my wife the benefit of the doubt and trying to understand her perspective when I feel hurt. I snap at her less. It stretches your comfort zone. It pushes you to your limits. It expands your capacities as a human being. And this painful stretching and expanding and growing means that, sometimes, your partner and your marriage will not make you happy.
Honestly, marriage is a challenge. Marriage challenges you to deal with sickness, tragedy, financial stresses, changes in faith or beliefs, job loss, weight gain, raising kids, losing parents and other family members, and you have to do it all while supporting and satisfying another emotional human being!
In fact, Dr. They do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. They expect their partner to be loyal. This does not mean they expect their relationship to be free of conflict. Even happily married couples argue. Conflict is healthy because it le to greater understanding. You will be confronted with uncomfortable truths throughout your marriage. It might be about sex, or money, or time spent together, or parenting, or all of that. Having someone challenge you to expand and grow can make things feel worse before they get better. But this is what love is really about. It is not always about always pleasing your partner, or always being pleased yourself.
Instead, it is about supporting your partner. Pleasing your partner means you make sure they are happy and comfortable and worry-free, and there will be times you must do that. And we all make those mistakes, but pleasing your partner also means shielding your partner from anything that could make them feel challenged or uncomfortable. Supporting your partner means you have their best interests at heart and you intentionally act to uphold and achieve those interests.
It means you stand by their side, you help them, you have their back, and sometimes it means you engage in conflict about difficult truths and regrettable incidents. True partners dedicate themselves to the person they love and to the bond they share, even when those acts of dedication might be temporarily painful due to the positive growth it causes. Dedication to that positive growth forces you to identify and open up about your weaknesses, insecurities, and fears is exactly what le to the periods of happiness, trust, connection, passion, and commitment.
Is that the kind of love you want? Or are you willing to settle for less? The Marriage Minute is an newsletter from The Gottman Institute that will improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less. Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? up below. Nate Bagley is a relationship researcher on a mission to rid the world of mediocre love. He loves hearing from people who enjoy his writing. So, if you liked this post please drop him a line!
Search for:. Is unending happiness the goal? Sounds boring. The Human Growth Machine The key to becoming a truly successful couple is to take action and expand your comfort zone. So, I kept at it. How to keep your marriage strong for the long run Now I apply the principles I used in the weight room to my marriage. Like the uncomfortable experience of growth. Name First Last. Enter Confirm . This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.What is the main purpose of getting married
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Seriously. What’s the Point of Marriage?