Living with uncertainty in relationships

Added: Rigo Kopecky - Date: 25.09.2021 04:46 - Views: 23378 - Clicks: 5747

Naturally, life and human behavior can be both predictable and unpredictable. In relationships uncertainty is closely tied to vulnerability. Simply put, uncertainty is a form of vulnerability and courage. We do, hope and love in spite of our fears. The challenge with uncertainty is that there are no promises, no guarantees or assurances. It can truly trigger fear in us which can lead to a fight or flight response. We can feel both activated and powerless at the same time. To some degree it actually brings variety and spontaneity to life which can be delightful and fun.

But, in some cases, too much uncertainty can leave us feeling insecure and doubtful. Expressing ourselves is a form of emotional exposure and it is common to be afraid of being rejected or pushed away. In some cases, maybe we were conditioned to stay quiet and not speak up.

So, the issue is that we can quietly hope that the other individual picks up on our wants and needs. However, if they are not attuning emotionally and appropriately, they can miss a whole lot of information. A good way to start expressing our feelings and thoughts is by starting out small. It may be tempting to open up about everything; however, gradually increasing our window of tolerance to emotional exposure can help. If the relationship feels distant or fuzzy it might look like reaching out to a friend and letting her know that you are thinking about her.

Typically, but not always, we will receive a positive response if the other person recognizes that we want to connect, accept and allow it from their end. This is common because it requires a degree of emotional exposure to talk about our expectations, needs and wants. Thus, a common issue is quiet and unquestioned assumptions about our roles and expectations. It can leave individuals feeling confused, contemptuous or resentful. As mentioned above, we can start out small too, yet with clear boundaries and intentions.

It can be very helpful to understand each other at this level. Another challenge that comes up in relationships is ambiguous or inconsistent structures. Of course, setting goals is the vision but the structures are how we get there. So, having clear structures is a way to practice being proactive and responsive. To achieve our goals, we can start out by choosing the simplest task to structure. This helps enable a recipe for success and conflict resolution skills. Another example might look like deciding a routine and preparation for having family over.

Basically, patterns and routines help create predictable expectations which help reduce anxiety and increase engagement. This also reduces foggy and unclear expectations about how to go about day to day or cyclical routines. Uncertainty can lead to anxiety which can lead to restlessness which can lead to impatience.

When this occurs, we are likely to want to rush the connection process. In some cases, we might want to rush change or outcomes. The person on the other end may feel the pressure, shut down or withdraw altogether. First, we need to ask a very important question. Do we need a commitment? There are cases where we truly do, like moving in together, buying a home, a salary, a job offer, a school plan, etc. If we do, we have a right to ask for a clear plan of action. We increase our engagement in the process more than the outcomes. Thus, providing us with increased sense of control and autonomy.

This is a very important point to consider and take to heart. Sometimes, in relationships uncertainty is used to keep a person at bay; for example, not committing, following-through, or being inconsistent. This might be intentional or not, but trust and safety are important and essential ingredients in relationships.

So, what to do? We need to be very clear and honest with our needs and wants. Another example is a friend only seeking us when they need or want to and continually criticizing and judging us. However, relationships are not developed in isolation, they are co-created. Therefore, there has to be willingness to give and receive essential ingredients such as respect, kindness, trust, and appreciation from both individuals.

Please know that there is support while navigating the complexities of relationships. Exploring both our internal and external world can be helpful when trying to understand what to do and how to go about things. Lastly, I kindly wish and hope that you experience safe, loving, and enjoyable relationships. Gottman, J. The relationship cure: a five-step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships.

New York: Harmony Books. What is the one thing that is most annoying when it comes to thinking your stomach? Is it doctors saying that …. We are biologically, cognitively, …. Author Recent Posts. Jazmine has both a counseling and a teaching heart. Prior to entering the counseling profession, she was a teacher at Ascarate Elementary for five years. Her profession in education and post graduate work inspired her at a personal level to pursue the field of counseling.

Currently, she works at Counseling of El Paso where she serves adults, children and their families. She is passionate about learning, growing and building better relationships. Comments for this post are closed.

Living with uncertainty in relationships

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13 Proven Strategies To Master Uncertainty In Relationships ()