Dating someone youve been friends with for a long time

Added: Sanjuanita Tomlin - Date: 08.11.2021 00:50 - Views: 16866 - Clicks: 3353

Take action and your feelings will change. Paul and I had been acquaintances for eight years. When I opened the door to his office one afternoon to offer our usual casual hello, an alchemical change packed a walloping charge through my body. When had my coworker become a handsome man with whom I suddenly wanted to share more than impersonal cafeteria trays in a crowd? His long-distance girlfriend had broken up with him or his relative was terminally ill. Nothing further is exactly how our relationship played, while, to my great consternation, we hit a plateau between consolation and water cooler repartee.

Something in his voice gave me the courage to ask if he was dating her. Truthfully, after his honest affirmation, Paul was the last person I wanted to spend more than five minutes with. Insomnia was my only sleeping companion. Immediately, I abbreviated contact with Paul. No more hanging around at the end of the day to chitchat. No e-mail, no notes, no calls.

Yes, it was painful, after many years of chatting up Paul whenever I thought of him or wanted to know what was going on in his life, but I also stopped dwelling. I took a hiking trip with friends. I reconnected with family. I novels than I thought possible. I also journaled for the first time in years. For two weeks straight, I woke to write five blessings. I enjoyed simple pleasures and took time alone to connect with and savor what is.

Most of all, I needed to exercise the same compassion and tenderness towards myself that I offer to others. A stream of questions haunted me: What if he marries this woman? I ran every irrational, worst-case scenario. Deep breaths and mindful meditation cooled my mind enough to realize that worst-case scenarios serve no one. Disappointment cannot be ignored and yet, like any emotion, it is a passing state, undulating like waves to the shoreline. We are impermanent beings in flux, and we cannot expect either our relationships or those in our lives to remain static. It was unrealistic of me to believe that Paul would always have time to talk on the phone or share a lunch much less that he would somehow choose to remain single without knowing, forthrightly, my feelings for him.

While I could not rewind time and ask him out directly, I started to see my own irrationalities and inconsistencies as part of what had brought me to this path. My new yearnings, though seemingly powerful, were as fluctuating as those storm-tossed waves. I mourned certain things about Paul during our friendship hiatus: his kindness toward patients, worried families, and all others who crossed his path; his mindfulness of his leadership role; his natural warmth and ability to cheer anyone. Those qualities which attracted me to Paul, I realized, do not solely belong to him.

They were qualities that, had you asked my friends or family, I might be said to possess and that I might say they possess, too. His humor and insights captivated me. We hiked, we shared long phone conversations, and we offered everyday observations that left us both in stitches. Paul meant no harm to me. That respect, though not easy for either of us, is a true surviving gift. Similarly, be respectful and compassionate toward yourself. There are still some days when I see him that I feel attracted. I talk myself through it.

I meditate. I call a friend for a walk. I offer forgiveness to myself and practice mindfulness until the feelings pass. Paul and I have shared too many years to ignore that we care about each other, still we cannot continue in our old patterns any longer. Mostly, I consider the value of slowly rebuilding our connection. At first, it was painful to look into his eyes while offering a brief good morning. Whatever the future holds for Paul, and for me, we have the present company and compassionate understanding that comes from knowing each other for a decade.

I need not worry about tomorrow or a perceived lost past. Right now is a listening ear, a nod, a moment shared between reconnected friends—and that is enough to meet this day. MK Miller has two degrees and limitless curiosity. She has written about a wide array of topics— including the cultural ificance of go-go boots.

She rides her bike almost daily, pays bills monthly, and collects books and shoes perennially. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is deed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.

Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Is it possible to make the leap back to platonic good-will? And how? Here are the steps from disappointment to personal growth and healing: 1.

Take time alone to collect yourself. Take time to forgive. Realize that feelings are fleeting. Play the no-blame game. Form new boundaries and a new understanding. More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please so we can fix it! Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :. Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper. Going through a spiritual awakening… I need help on this quote. Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.

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Dating someone youve been friends with for a long time

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