Added: Alexanderia Islam - Date: 27.02.2022 10:23 - Views: 11513 - Clicks: 4897
Marriage Missions Note: Please know that we recognize that sometimes men betray their wives and sometimes women betray their husbands. This particular article is written from the vantage point of the betrayed wife. If you are a husband who is betrayed, please change the pronouns and glean through the information so you can be ministered to, as well. Above all, we hope this article helps you in some way. The anger, hurt, bewilderment, betrayal, and numbing shock are almost overwhelming. The betrayed spouse will be angry, and she needs the freedom to ventilate her rage.
The language of anger is never pleasant. However, it is not only OK to say it with intensity and force, but it is absolutely necessary for true recovery to occur. People do not get better until they get mad. It is very important for the violated spouse to be free to express the rage that he or she feels. After the first surge of anger comes the need for information —what happened?
When did it happen? How often did it happen? And so on. This is the time for the violated spouse to ask the offender those all-important questions. Men seem to want to know the details of the sexual activity; women commonly report wanting to know if their husband loves the other person. There is no good reason to hide information from the injured spouse at this point. The precious marriage vow lies shattered on the floor —there is nothing left of the marriage to protect. Therefore, the infidel who has been discovered should share each and every bit of information that his partner wants to know.
Often the infidel thinks that as the questions come, he should tell only what he thinks is appropriate, so he withholds details, covering up certain aspects of the trail. Nothing will anger the wounded spouse more than being subtly deceived at this point by double talk or half-truths. Eventually, all truth will be known anyway. This is the time to tell it all, or at least tell it at the level that the spouse wants to hear it. Many of my counselees who have gone through recovery from affairs say that getting into too much detail can create tortuous mental images for the injured spouse that can haunt her for years.
But you need to walk this fine line of disclosure and honesty carefully, and be sure to err on the side of too much disclosure rather than too little. The main point is to own up to what you have done and to admit humbly the full range of injury and transgression. The more time that passes without the unfinished business being revealed, the more difficult it will be to bring it up.
The power to continue the marriage has now passed into the hands of the wounded spouse. Her reaction —whether to process the affair is that if she expresses as much rage as she feels, she will drive her spouse into the arms of his partner. If you are going to live together in harmony in the future, you need to live together differently. The most sacred aspects of this marriage have already been violated. Now you both have to begin to rebuild. During the anguish phase, some recovery can begin.
There is loss of trust, of the one-pure marital relationship, and so on. But be encouraged. Gradually the pain will become less intense and less frequent. You will find the good times between the down times will lengthen. This grief process is similar to grieving the death of a spouse. Violated spouses do indeed report many responses that parallel those of widows.
Grieving is important, but it is even more important to know what you are grieving for. Some find it helpful to list the losses on paper. I recommend that you try that, being as transparent and honest as you can. Crying in front of other people as you process your grief is perfectly permissible. It is certainly all right to cry in front of the infidel.
In fact, he needs to see and feel the damage his actions have wrought. Be totally honest about your sadness. One of the first things an angry and grieving spouse wants is the guarantee that this will never happen again. But nothing could be further from the truth. Any or all of those practices might be appropriate, but none of them will provide the guarantee that the wounded spouse is looking for. The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused his spouse. Remember it will take as long to recover from the affair as it did for the infidelity partner to get involved in it.
So allow some time for him to feel her pain. This book is very comprehensive and is a great practical guide for dealing with extramarital affairs. Whether you are a man or woman, the following advice could be helpful if you apply the principles that will work for your marriage after reading:. Tagged: betrayed spouse , dealing with anger , healing from infidelity , triggering your anger.
Filed under: Surviving Infidelity. I am struggling with a situation in my home. After being divorced for 15 years my ex-husband split from the relationship that we divorced over and had to return to live in my home due to poor health.
He would have been homeless if I had not left him return. He wants everyone to take care of his problems. I am extremely unhappy with him living in my home. I want him to leave but his family wants little to nothing to do with him. I feel myself becoming a very angry, uncaring person and I was never like that. He needs a liver transplant due to drinking and if he is blessed to receive it he will need 24 hr care for many months.
I wish I could see a solution to this problem. I feel like this is affecting our relationship also. Thank you for reading my comments. Take care all. Focus on becoming a better person capitalizing on the sour experience of betrayal. Success is the best revenge! I hurt so bad. We were both 60 when we married. My husband went to a prostitute!!! He states he is remorseful and states it will never happen again. I go in these verbal rages. Hi Karen, How my heart goes out to you! I can only imagine how horribly painful all of this has been for you.
But as you so painfully know, it happens. I wish I had words of wisdom for you that would help to ease your pain. However, we do have an article posted on our web site that may be helpful in some way. Pray, read, glean, and see what you find that you can apply. I hope it helps. It was a month before I caught it and he says it was all innocent and they never saw each other since that day but just simply text and talked about the good old days. No, I never got a chance to see any of those text messages but my phone records show there were plenty within 37 days; he was erasing them.Coping with betrayal in marriage
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Why Betrayal Can Cause Trauma and How to Start Healing